Edward's What
by Halen.Emmett.McCarty4Eternaty
Summary: Carlisle gets a confession from his beloved son, and now the others get involved and wonder why Jacob Black said he quit. T just in case.


**Title: **Edward's What?

**Disclaimers: **I do not own the Twilight characters, or any other Twilight object, location, and whatnot. Any locations in this story that match to a real building, company, or anything else, aren't mine.

**A/N:** Another comedy that came to mind. No idea where it came from, but...enjoy! ^.^

"_But I will hope continuously, and will yet praise thee more and more. My mouth shall shew forth thy righteousness and thy salvation all the day; for I know not the numbers thereof." ~ PSALMS, 71. 14, 15_

* * *

"He's...what?" Jasper asked carefully and slowly, looking at Carlisle who was looking at a white, long stick in his hand.

"He's pregnant. He confessed just this morning before claiming he needed to be somewhere." Carlisle told them all, looking to them and the pregnancy stick that he gave to Esme who gazed at it with such confusion.

Rosalie blinked and stopped filing her nails. "Is that even...possible with a guy?"

"How about a vampire dude?" Emmett asked shortly.

"It's happened, and he's pregnant." Carlisle sat down in his chair in a loss. "He didn't even give me a chance to sit him down and question him on the father." He murmured as he thought over the possibilities of a father to his...son's child.

Esme looked to the positive mark on the test. "Well...does he want to keep the baby, or...what? Can he carry a child to term healthily?" She questioned her husband with worry.

"If he's pregnant, his body has to have a way to give birth to the child. I think..." Alice muttered the last part to herself as she tried to ponder over scenarios of her brother growing with a child.

Emmett turned to Rosalie. "If Ed even gay?" He asked the biggest issue in his mind. His brother never told him about liking guys, but he's never looked at a girl before.

Rose shrugged. "I don't know. He doesn't date girls, but he _did_ think that a blond human was a little cute last year in Canada, but nothing happened." She assured them all.

Sighs of relief came from all five who listened to Rosalie.

"So...what do we do now?" Jasper asked the main point.

Carlisle shrugged, honestly at a loss. "What can we do but support his choice, whatever it may be. We need to be there for him through this all, and help him with the child."

Esme nodded quickly. "Of course! He might need some help with what he doesn't know about a child, and maybe we can get him to confide in us who the father is...well...the other father." She corrected herself with some confusion. That was going to take some getting used to in the sense of her son being a mother.

Alice nodded in agreement. "Right! We should find out what he wants first, then we can get the things he needs if he wants to keep it."

"Perfect. Will it be a vampire...or human?" Jasper wondered.

Emmett shrugged. "What if it's a vamp-wolf? Or a vamp-human? Is that even possible?" He asked about one more thing to his father.

"Well, when he tells us who the father is, then we'll worry about the creature status." Carlisle said, still wondering over how his innocent son fell pregnant.

Or how it was even possible with his _son._ Forget the vampire status he has; what about the male part?

Rosalie sighed. "So...where is he?" She asked him.

"He told me he was going to do something, then he would be back around two." Carlisle looked to his watch, "he should be back anytime now."

Jasper looked to them all. "How do we confront him about this type of issue?" He didn't think he was anything but moral support, and babies weren't his department.

"As a family. We can't just...let him think this changes anything in the family. Think it as an oncoming Cullen." Rosalie advised them all.

That certainly perked up Emmett and Alice. "I guess it kind of _is_ like Ed bringing home another Cullen. Like a newborn."

"Literally!" Alice claimed.

Carlisle smiled. "Wonderful. Now remember, we need to find out the father, and how far is he. We need to show him support and be considerate of his feelings. This is no doubt frightening and stressful for him. He's carrying a whole other life inside him...somewhere wherever the womb was made. I need to look this up." He muttered and disappeared for a book before coming back with it. "Well, as such as I see...the womb might be located just in line with his navel." He flipped a few pages.

"Wow...he's gonna grow really big then..." Emmett dragged on, receiving a slap from Rose.

"Don't even think of calling him big when he grows either. That can hurt his feelings." She hissed heatedly.

"Oh...I thought it was a good thing when a person grew with the baby? Doesn't it mean they're healthy?" Emmett asked with confusion.

"It does, but he'll be sensitive about his weight and what he looks like now that he's having a baby." Esme claimed gently. "His hormones will be out of balance."

Jasper picked up a different book that Carlisle brought out and opened it, "well, apparently his body will make room for the making of the birth canal and...the opening."

"The opening?" Alice asked innocently.

"The vulva, Alice." Carlisle told her delicately.

Alice blinked her gold eyes. "Is that a..." She dragged out the last word.

Carlisle nodded, knowing what she meant, but didn't want to say.

Alice made a silent 'oh'. "Well...that'll be painful." She said in sympathy for her poor brother.

Emmett looked between his father and brother. "Where do you get these books, dude?" He asked what was going off in his head.

"Aro sent it many years ago as a tease of one of the men in my family growing promiscuous." Carlisle claimed and flipped the page.

"Who?" Emmett blinked with a grin.-

"You."

Emmett frowned instantly. "Asses." He grumbled and sat back on the couch with his DS.

Esme gazed over Carlisle's shoulder to read the book. "Well, the baby should take after Edward the most since vampires are a dominant creature. Unless the father is an Incubus, werewolf, or a lunar baby: the baby will be just like Edward in creature and features since he's the mother in technical terms." Esme thought the baby would be very cute! Her son was a handsome man and the baby would be very cute in looking like him.

"There's nothing dominant about Edward." Alice murmured.

"Alice!" Jasper warned her once.

"Sorry. It just came up. I'll be supportive, and be the best aunt ever!" She promised.

"This can be a good thing." Rosalie claimed lightly with a smile.

* * *

"This is TERRIBLE!" Edward sped into the house and dropped a small bag onto the floor when he entered the living room.

Carlisle looked at his son when he came in from the kitchen quickly. "What is it, son?" He asked worriedly.

Edward motioned to the bag. "It's all true! This shouldn't even be possible!" He claimed and crossed his arms over his chest before putting his thumb nail in his mouth.

Esme took the bag up and took out an object that turned out to be a pregnancy test that read positive. "Oh, baby. It's not the end of the world." She cooed softly.

Edward gave her a look that plainly said she was totally wrong. "This isn't possible, yet here it is." He waved at the bag before falling into a chair with an exhaled breath.

Rosalie looked him up and down and saw the signs of a pregnant man in the making, and she had some sympathy for her brother. "Well...what are you going to do?" She asked slowly.

The family looked to Edward who shrugged. "What can I do but...take care of it? It's already done and I think it's fast-growing." He commented.

Jasper looked to his brother's abdomen. It didn't seem swollen yet...so how far was he? He didn't try and ask since he thought he would too blunt and inconsiderate with his words.

Alice did it instead. "Okay...so how long until a ta-da makes a grand appearance?" She asked carefully.

Edward paused before. "well, I think a month and a half covers two months together, so...five and a half months; probably not even if this grows any faster." He calculated in his head.

Carlisle did the math. "A month already, son? Why not tell me sooner?" He asked gently, sitting on the coffee table in front of his guilty son.

"How would you have reacted to this, Carlisle? I mean...really? Pregnancy with vampires?" Edward asked sarcastically.

"Son, this is very serious. We have approximately four months until a birth, and we don't even know who the other parent is." Carlisle chided lightly, not wanting to upset his son.

Edward huffed. "Other parent. Hilarious." He grumbled.

"Did they quit?" Rosalie asked quickly.

"Right when the proof was shown." Edward claimed darkly.

"Bastard." Rosalie hissed, ready to find the man and force him to be a father.

Esme gave a look to her daughter that halted any hunt downs. "Edward, sweetie; we can do this ourselves. Why not go take bath and relax? I put some bubble baths in there for you." She urged him to relax for the baby's sake.

Edward agreed to a bath and he disappeared, forgetting about his cell phone that was on the table.

Emmett snatched up the phone and instantly went through it, getting a look from Rosalie for doing so. "We need to know who the father is. I'm his big brother, and dammit I'm going to find out who knocked him up." He claimed in a mutter and scrolled through texts.

Jasper nodded in agreement of being a protective brother all of a sudden and Alice rolled her eyes at how they both went so quickly into Protective Brothers Over Pregnant Brother Mode.

"Here you are, asshole." Emmett said in victory when he spotted a conversation between Edward and someone obviously the father from Edward telling him he was needed, and that he was a dick for doing this and just leaving.

"Who is it?" Jasper asked quickly.

"Uh...Jacob...Black?" He stopped at that name and became shocked. "Jacob Black...a mutt on the reservation is the father?" He turned to Alice who had a light bulb go off in her head.

"That must be why I can't see the baby or the father! He's a mutt!" She said softly, hearing the taps still going upstairs where their brother had retreated to so he could relax and be alone.

"It makes perfect sense on why he wouldn't tell me either. Both of them broke the treaty and must have crossed onto both lands, breaking the treaty for each other." Carlisle sounded more understanding on why his son was afraid to say anything on the pregnancy. In all rights, both parties broke the treaty and could call the other to war. His son must want to avoid a war, and willingly raise the child alone to avoid a blood bath that could very well kill him and the baby.

Esme looked understanding as well. "Well, no one's calling war. We should get this boy over here and talk to him, and inform him that this child is his responsibility as well. Edward shouldn't be doing this alone." She claimed firmly. "For holding off a war or not."

Carlisle nodded in full agreement. "Yes; Emmett, call the boy on the home phone, and tell him to come over and talk with us while Edward relaxes. He shouldn't be stressed."

Emmett made the call, and Jacob sounded very surprised that Edward told them already. He was coming over in five minutes in wolf-mode, and was bringing someone else.

"I wonder who he's bringing..." Alice muttered, looking out the windows for the mutt.

"Maybe some he knows?" Jasper questioned.

Rosalie hummed. "It better not be his imprint. Is he even imprinted?" She asked quickly.

Emmett disagreed. "No way. If he was imprinted he couldn't have been with Ed. I mean...it's like a law with them. When they imprint, they don't see anyone else at all. They wont even look at someone else." He told her.

"Well, we'll have to see when they get here." Esme nodded and picked up the bag of tests to put them away upstairs in Edward's room to do what he wills with them.

* * *

Rosalie had to hold in any inappropriate glares when Jacob and a girl named Bella, a human who was ''friends'' with both males and imprinted to one of the wolves who didn't come since he was on patrol. The girl went to school with them, and supposedly known they were vampires all along. She just never approached them since her mate didn't even want her at the school.

"So, where is he?" Bella asked them politely, sitting next to Jacob who was shrinking severely in height from the two death glares from Edward's brothers.

Alice rolled her eyes. They were starting early it seemed.

"He's getting dressed. He took a bath. Here he comes now." Esme claimed as she gave both guests water.

Taking the glass, Jacob had to duck away from the giant book that flew his way. Bella ended up flinching off the couch and being caught by Esme before she face planted on the carpet.

"That was for last week." Edward said calmly, acting like he didn't put a big whole in the wall.

Jacob nodded. "Deserved that. Can you not hit Bella, too? I mean, come on! Paul barely let me bring her with her begging him to come to see you. He'll kill me if she has even a mark on her!" He glared at Edward before standing up all the way and setting the empty glass on the table. The rest flew to the floor.

Esme helped Bella stand and the human waved off any concerns from Carlisle and Esme. "I'm fine. He has good aim, and I knew I wouldn't be hurt." She assured them brushing down the wet spot on her jeans from her water before turning to Edward with a look. "I thought baths calmed you?"

"It did." Edward sat down in the chair.

"So giving me a face full of encyclopedia was calm?" Jacob asked sarcastically.

"I saw your face in my house and I lost all calm."

"Makes since. He _is_ an asshole." Bella glared at her bestfriend.

"Why are you blaming me?" Jacob whined.

"Because it's _your_ fault!" Edward hissed.

"Alright, both of you." Carlisle stepped between them, giving a look at his son to calm down. "Now, we called you, Jacob, because we need to know why you're making him do this alone." He turned to the young wolf who blinked.

"Do what alone?" He asked curiously.

"yeah...do what?" Bella asked in a lost fashion.

Rosalie rolled her eyes at them. "Raise the baby obviously." She claimed.

All three blinked before Jacob turned on Edward. "how could you tell them that?! Now Paul's gonna find out!" He threw the glass at the vampire who sped away from it.

"Relax! I don't think they mean Bella...I think they mean me." Edward slowly.

Bella blinked. "You're pregnant? Congratulations!" She said happily.

Jacob rolled his eyes. She was really an air-head at times. "Bella, he's not pregnant." He told her simply.

"Oh. I like babies." She sounded so sad.

"_You're_ pregnant, Bella. _You're _having the baby." Edward informed her helpfully.

"Oh...right." Bella remembered.

Edward turned to his father with an incredulous look. "Why do you think I'm pregnant, Carlisle?" He asked firmly.

"The tests you gave me, son. You barged into my office this morning and told me so." Carlisle informed him.

Edward made an 'oh' sound. "You must have misheard me, Carlisle. Bella's pregnant with my child, and Paul wanted to know the second we conceived." He explained.

"Hold on a second...a mutt _wants_ you to impregnate his mate?" Emmett asked, jumping into the odd conversation.

Edward and Bella nodded.

"I'm so confused. So...is Edward pregnant himself or not?" Alice asked sweetly.

"I'm not pregnant physically. I said 'I'm' because I consider Bella and myself temporary partners due to the pregnancy." Edward claimed. "Vampires can't get pregnant anyways." He told them with a straight face.

All the Cullens didn't tell him that it was definitely possible.

Esme jumped in. "but why let you impregnate her, Edward? Why won't he do it himself?" She looked between the human and her son.

Bella looked sheepish. "We've tried already, a dozen times even, but I just can't get pregnant with him. He's really fertile, but it was all me. Edward said something about venom and sperm being mixed into a powerful fertilizer, and Paul and I agreed to have Edward get me pregnant so we can have a baby. I'm not very fertile, but I really wanted a baby. Edward was just helping me and Paul get what we wanted." She took blame for the whole shabam.

Jacob patted her back. "it's not your fault, Bells. I guess I should take the blame for making Edward tell Carlisle the way he did."

"Wait..then why did you text him telling him he was an ass?" Jasper asked Edward who glared at him.

"You read my texts?" He hissed.

Jasper pointed to Emmett immediately who toed the ground meekly.

"Sorry I thought you were pregnant and was looking out for you the way brother does." Emmett apologized.

"Apology not accepted; Jacob and I had a fight, and we solved it yesterday when he claimed that Bella was most certainly pregnant." Edward said bluntly.

Carlisle intervened, looking so much more relieved and understanding. "I understand now. Were you fearful of the joining not working?" He asked Bella.

She nodded. "Yeah. Paul literally threatened his life if I didn't get pregnant the first time, and we had gotten really stressed out when the results came back positive. We thought Paul would carry out his threat if we didn't tell him together tonight."

"Then why the hell are you both here?" Rosalie asked them shortly.

"You called us." Jacob glared at her.

She remembered that but said, "get out! Tell him your pregnant already!" She ordered the human and her brother.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Come on, Bella. Let's go tell Paul the good news." he said.

Jacob and Bella followed to the car and Bella sat up front while Edward quickly reversed the car and sped away from the house.

Jacob looked at Edward. "Dd they buy it?" He asked hopefully.

He nodded, and the other two sighed in relief. "They bought it."

Bella turned her eyes to him and asked, "what happens when they see you grow and I don't?" She sounded very curious.

He shrugged. "I make Jacob flee the country, and away from Emmett's and Jasper's hands for lying to their faces.

Jacob hummed. "Should we tell Paul about this?" He turned his eyes to Bella and referred to using her as a pregnancy saver, and using Edward as the father,

"Probably not." Bella giggled. "He hates Edward as is. He would kill him if he played along to my saying I'm worthless in making children when I have one at home already."

Edward and Jacob bursted out laughing and continued driving down the road to speed to the La Push boarder and get the human and the wolf back to safety and away from vampires before they discovered that they didn't hear a heartbeat from Bella's womb, but instead from Edward's newly grown womb.

* * *

_What did I do you might ask? I don't know...so don't ask._

_I hope you laughed and weren't too scarred for life. I'm deeply wondering why I'm thinking of a pregnant Edward and with Jasper for a partner next...What the f*** is wrong with me?_

_Please review and tell you how scarred you are on the inside of your mind!_

_-Halen_


End file.
